Equivalent Exchange
by ObsidianSilversmith
Summary: Ed breaks the one law he'd thought he'd never break again.   Name subject to change later...
1. Chapter 1

~~FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST~~

Fanfic: 574

Rating: T

Chapter: Equivalent Exchange Ch. 1, "Welcome Home"

Date Written: 14 January 2011,

Date Published:

Date Edited: 5 July 2011

Summary: Ed breaks the one law he'd thought he'd never break again.

Word Count: 656

Dedication: To the maple-syrup sausages I'm eating. Ant the ketchup that keeps me living.

AN:/: You know the drill, BTW, short chapters~! Thank Joker Oak for getting me to edit and give a little clearer beginning to the story. Thanks!

To give you have to get. Equally, no matter what. I can't do alchemy anymore, but I've been gifted with something worth more than that monstrous ability that destroys everything: I've been given my brother and something else…a curse that I'm too scared to name…a gift that terrifies even the former Fullmetal Alchemist.

***The Day After Al Heads East***

"Dammit…"

Edward Elric, once the pride of the State Alchemists, cursed as his last tie to the life he once had snapped. The ancient ribbon-rotten and damaged beyond repair-had been a gift from his mother on his tenth birthday. Now, exactly ten years later, it'd finally given out, another piece of him to weak to hold on any longer.

Tears stung his eyes as he stared at the grungy fabric cradled in his hands. On the day he needed it the most, it—like so many things—decided to give up on him. Dammit, why the hell did it seem that way? How could something he'd been so faithful to betray him? As many times as he'd lost things, he'd never misplaced that. How could he? The damnable piece of cloth seemed to tie him together again when Al wasn't with him. With it gone, It felt as if another piece of him had died…

A gloved fist reared back to toss the thing into the street. He needed to throw the damn thing away and get on with everything.

But he placed too much value on the stupid ribbon. Besides, it wasn't as if the damned thing * had * a brain. It hadn't betrayed him, he was just being stupid...

Pocketing the sacred remains, Ed looked to where his wandering had taken him. He was shocked to see the familiar front steps of the State's Office. Only moments ago, Central had been a cluster of lights straddling where the sky met the earth. He didn't mean to near the walls, not to mention enter them. He never wanted anything to do with the place _ever_ again. He hadn't come back since the day he left four years ago. For the past eight years, it consumed his every thought. The memories from his time bickering with the Colonel Bastard while Al apologized for him held a huge part of his soul to the place. Most of his memories were from his time there...

And Too many memories of one place clouded one's judgment. His mistakes made * that * all too clear.

He wasn't meant to have a home. He'd only wind up destroying it all. He couldn't do that to these people. He cursed himself every night, but * it * is the price paid by those who defied the Gate's Laws of Alchemy…

A shaky sigh left his lungs as he began to turn and leave. Any longer and he'd regret everything.

"Fullmetal?"

Ed cringed at the voice and name. "I'm not Fullmetal anymore, Havoc."

From behind, a heavy hand rested itself upon Ed's shoulder. "You'll always be Fullmetal."

Silence said all as the younger man's shoulders sagged beneath the weight of the world around him. He took comfort in the familiar touch, but felt wrong for doing so. He was the monster that would shatter their dreams and destroy their lives. And yet he took comfort from them?

A wry smile formed on Ed's face. "I need to leave."

"A storm's brewing, you should come in before you're caught in it."

Surprised, Ed looked to the sky. Roiling clouds gave an ominous cry before the first of many drops fell onto his nose. "I hadn't realized…" He turned to Havoc after the rain washed away all walls.

"I need to leave..." Ed tried to run, only to be stopped my Havoc's hand still holding his shoulder.

Havoc smiled sadly as he wrapped his arm around Ed.

"I know…and Fullmetal?"

"Hnn?"

"Welcome home."


	2. Chapter 2

~~FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST~~

Rating: T

Title: Equivalent Exchange Ch.2, "Same old…something new"

Author(s): ObsidianSilversmith

Date Written: 14 January 2011 ((edited 17 January 2011))

Date Published: 15 January 2011 ((reposted 23 January 2011))

Theme and/or Summary: Ed breaks the one law he'd thought he'd never break again.

Character(s) and/or Pairing(s):

Word Count: 325

Dedication: Ch. 1 of Equivalent Exchange

AN:/: Maybe I'll own FMA next time…

_Havoc smiled sadly as he wrapped an arm around Ed._

"_I know…and Fullmetal?"_

"_Hnn?"_

"_Welcome home."_

Ed smiled as they rushed through the door. He was home, wasn't he. "Thanks, it's good to see you."

Havoc smiled, giving his soaked coat to a subordinate. He looked at Ed quizzically at the absence of a coat to give. "Where's your coat?" The absence of his trademark red jacket and long-sleeved black shirt bothered him.

The soaked kid-young adult now-in the grey tee and leather pants looked like the Fullmetal, but it felt as if he was looking into a reflection of a reflection. Havoc half expected the physical lines around Ed to blur and waver. They didn't

Out of habit, Ed puffed his chest in pride. "I outgrew it. It's way too small now."

Havoc only laughed as he ruffled Ed's soaked hair. Ed was right. He _had_ grown. Where Fullmetal had only come up mid-chest, Edward stood even with Mustang now, of course he'd look different. His clothing style had changed.

In fact, a lot about him had changed. The golden hair that splayed like living sun in the wind now had grown to the middle of his back. What little baby fat had been left on his face at sixteen gave way to features so angled one could cut something with them.

The thing that had changed the most of all was his presence. As the loud and tempermental youth he had been, Ed demanded all eyes on him without knowing. He'd been hard to ignore.

Now, the way he leaned his shoulders back as he stood quietly with dancing gold for eyes, it was impossible to ignore his presence.

To an outsider, Ed seemed to be peaceful or just taking everything in. To an insider, something was wrong. The high-strung spirit that once blazed the way Mustang's used to, cried with agony and heartache…impossible to ignore, even harder to understand.

The laughter died away in Havoc's throat. 'What happened to you, Ed?'

"Is the food in here still crappy, 'cause I'm starving."

He was the same old Ed, but something was new.


	3. Chapter 3

~~FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST~~

Rating: T

Title: Equivalent Exchange Ch. 3, "I'm Sorry"

Author(s): ObsidianSilversmith

Date Written: 14 January 2011; ((edited 19 January 2011))

Date Published: 15 January 2011; ((reposted 23 January 2011))

Theme and/or Summary: Ed breaks the one law he'd thought he'd never break again.

Character(s) and/or Pairing(s):

Word Count: 297 ((over doubled!))

Dedication: My dog Spaz, for being quiet and letting me write.

AN:/: I've written eleven things in three days almost. This is 12 and I still don't own.

_The laughter died away in Havoc's throat. _'What happened to you Ed?'

"_Is the food here still crappy, 'cause I'm starving."_

_He was the same old Ed, but something was new._

Too many thoughts swirled inside of Ed as he ate quietly. He _didn't_ want to be back here! He _couldn't_ be back…And yet he sat across from Lieutenant Jean Havoc, eating _cereal_ for fuck's sake!

Ed shook his head slowly. The nostalgia in the air nearly smothered him with painful memories weeping to be forgotten.

The sounds of the arguments that once rang throughout Central now only existed in his mind. The snapshots that were taken from this place ran off the pages of his mind, every drop became the razor that carved every word of every promise broken. The agony reminded him that there was a chance to overcome his future. The agony proved that he really stood in Central.

Ed shut his eyes tightly, praying that what he was going through was but a dream within a dream. He was here to give a report to the Colonel Bastard. Any moment he would hear Al clanking beside him.

Only…he wasn't here for that, and he knew it.

Ed trailed off in his thoughts, common sense kicking in. He wasn't sixteen anymore. He couldn't pretend-to himself, he'd be damned in anyone else found out-that he wasn't the same as everyone else.

He opened his eyes. The near-empty Mess Hall's lights barely clung to life as the sky overhead screamed it's wrath for the world to fear.

"Havoc, why am I here?"

Ed's question caught Havoc off guard. The lieutenant gaped as he struggled for an answer. After a moment, he simply smiled. "Now how am I supposed to know that?'

Ed shrugged. "I'm sorry."


	4. Chapter 4

~~FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST~~

Rating: T

Title: Equivalent Exchange Ch 4,

Author(s): ObsidianSilversmith

Date Written: 15 January ((edited 19 January 2011))

Date Published: 15 January 2011 ((reposted 23 January 2011))

Theme and/or Summary: Ed breaks the one law he'd thought he'd never break again.

Character(s) and/or Pairing(s):

Word Count: 358 ((added over 200 words!))

Dedication: To The Adventures of Huck Finn, the book I should be reading and the paper I should be writing.

AN:/: Does anyone else want tacos? Ugh, I guess fish sticks and muffins will have to do.

… "_How am I supposed to know that?"_

_Ed simply shrugged. "I'm sorry."_

The power failed as the latest crash jarred everyone where they stood. The noon sun should've blared brightly, rendering the Mess visible, but the anger of the storm inked out all light.

A soft whimper escaped from the back of Ed's throat. Terror filled his movements as he groped around for the flashlight he always carried. His hands grasped it tightly and tried to turn it on. It was no use, it had been soaked when they'd come inside. Ed tried again and again, but to no avail. The flashlight refused to work.

The nightmarish dark only worsened when the sky lit to reveal _him_ in the background.

_He_ was coming; using the storm's unnatural night to move freely. His cold hand reached for Ed, unseen. Before the touch came, lights blazed to life. The creature withdrew as if burned by the weak light flickering from the nearest entrance. The ethereal hiss-unheard just as the being remained unseen by all but Ed-warned that the next time would be inescapable.

Tears streamed from Ed's eyes as he broke down and thanked whoever it was who restored the lights. No matter where he went, the storm would rise and give way to its unnatural passions. No matter how far, Ed would be followed and hunted when all lights fled. That was the reason for the flashlight…

"Havoc!"

Havoc stiffened and Ed smiled through the haze of tears and fear. Figures it'd be the Colonel Bastard that saved him from the darkness. It was almost unnerving to be unwittingly rescued once again by the person most likely to betray him for a promotion. Nevertheless, he was grateful.

"Figures…what took you so long, Taisa?"

Mustang jumped as if he'd seen a ghost. His pale face lost even its white as his eyes landed on the _crying_ Ed Elric.

"You know me Fullmetal, I have to make an entrance." Roy smiled weakly before turning to Havoc sharply. "Get Hawkeye and be in my office now."

Havoc broke out and hurried to follow the orders.

"You're okay Edward, you're okay


	5. Chapter 5

~~FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST~~

Rating: T

Title: Equivalent Exchange Ch. 6,

Author(s): ObsidianSilversmith

Date Written: 15 January 2011 ((edited 23 January 2011))

Date Published: 15 January 2011 ((reposted 23 January 2011))

Theme and/or Summary: Ed breaks the one law he'd thought he'd never break again.

Character(s) and/or Pairing(s):

Word Count: 658! ((It was 207 on it's own!))

Dedication: Myself, because I deserve one.

AN:/: I HAVE EDITED EVERY CHAPTER AND COMBINED FOUR OF THE SHORTER ONES INTO TWO LONGER ONES. PLEASE REREAD. SOMETHINGS ARE DIFFERENT. KK, sorry for the all-caps. They're attention grabbers when you need them.

"_You're okay Edward, you're okay."_

The warmth of Mustang's arm around his shoulders chased away the remaining dregs of panic fear from Ed's mind. Now all that remained was the foreboding feeling of the calm in the middle of the storm, like only paper shut out the winds howling for carnage. No, it wasn't the paper…it was this place. The place where he'd grown stronger. It was these people…the people who taught him to trust again…

And he couldn't even protect them. Not from himself. Not from the bastard he'd become. And what sucked the most was that a part of him wanted to stand in the middle of the tempest and laugh while his whole world crashed about his ears. _He_ was the man who hunted him.

The door's lock clicked in place behind them. Ed could see _him_ through the window pane behind Roy's desk, but the torch kept _him_ far away.

"I shouldn't have come back. I never should have come back!" Ed's scream shattered the window and the picture frames scattered across the office before he stumbled to his knees. The shattered shards of his life shone from the glass tiling the floor around him. A hidden corner of him wanted to transmute them back to whole, as if doing so would sew him together again as well.

He could have, if he gave in to the harsh realities trying to take him for their own. The promises of never-ending calm sang like a siren's song from the storm-the storm he called when he'd entered Central.

The storm offered a home to a boy who hadn't known one in a long time. It offered a balm of nothingness, the inability to feel anything.

"Roy…I don't wanna go back there…please don't make me go back…"

Roy sand to his knees before the younger man. "Shh."

Ed-ready sinking into a place no one else could go-buried his face in Roy's shoulder and sobbed.

Confused as what to do, Roy just held the sobbing Ed closer. The strength in his coiled arms anchored Ed to the real world. The ungloved hand petting Ed's hair made him feel awkward, like a child in a man's body.

"You don't have to go anywhere Ed. You're home now."

When Mustang tightened his arms to hold him closer, awareness coursed through Ed. Maybe he still had a home here…

Havoc and Hawkeye slipped to where Roy to use them when his memories threatened to consume all in his path. For Ed to need them had been unperceivable had they not seen it themselves.

"No."

Ed's wavering voice startled them. The blond kept his head buried against Roy's chest and his arms around his neck. There he clung as he fought wave after wave of nausea.

"Ed, you need to rest."

Ed snorted weakly. He hadn't needed to rest in four years. Nor did he have to eat or drink. There was a lot his body didn't require anymore. "Believe me, they won't work." Ed clung tighter to Roy as the stormy sky let loose another screech. It was hard to believe that someone who was no longer human could still be downright terrified of storms. At least now there was a reason.

"Care to explain the 'no longer human' bit?"

'Shit, had I spoken aloud?' "Nothing Colonel Bastard."

Ed cringed away from Roy. He hadn't meant to speak aloud.

Roy tightened his arms around him again to keep him close. "Ed, you're safe with me."

Ed stiffened, glad that only he and Roy could hear the current conversations.

The wind blew out the torch that Mustang had made. Ed's panic set in anew. "But you aren't."

Unable to live with himself if anything happened, Ed did what only he could do. He sifted out of Central, into the center of the storm. Maybe the laws of equivalent exchange would work for once. Most likely not, but he had to try.


	6. Chapter 6

~~ EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE ~~

Chapter: Too Many Questions

Rating: T

Warnings: OOC

Genre(s): Angst, Hurt/Comfort, hinted Romance

Summary: Ed breaks the one law he'd thought he'd never break again.

Date Written: 6 March 2011

Date Published: 12 March 2011

Word Count: 655

Dedication: Sweet Serendipity!

AN:/: Sorry I keep changing my mind about where the story is going. I promise that this chapter has been edited and will remain unless someone points out errors or flaws. Sorry for the inconvenience.

_ Maybe the laws of equivalent exchange would work for once. Most likely not, but he had to try. _

Mustang fought the urge to incinerate all as he, Havoc, and Hawkeye, raced for the edge of town. He hated the feeling of hopeless helplessness that threatened to consume him. Had he ever before been this way? When had he become the weak, sniveling coward that allowed a subordinate to be placed in danger! While he knew nothing about what was going on with Ed, he knew that something terrified the boy he'd never before seen cry.

Panic fought for control of Roy's mind as the storm abated and the winds ceased to rip all from its path. What had Ed mentioned about no longer being human?

"Follow the storm!" Roy's words almost seemed lost as the winds screeched the loudest, as if to keep him away from his destination. Nothing seemed right about the circumstances. Why today? Why the day when the strongest among them finally decided to come home? Why Ed? Hadn't the child suffered enough at the hands of life? Why Ed, the child who'd fought _so damned hard_ to bring his brother home? When would Fate and the Gate allow all to rest and live out the pittance of life allowed to them?

Why a child? Why put a child through this hell?

A sweetened voice threatened to melt Roy with it's coyness...'He's no longer a child. Why don't you forget about all that bothers you?"

Roy grimaced. That was right...Ed wasn't a child any longer. Today was his twentieth birthday. He slowed as the full implications of that fact became known in his mind. Edward no longer needed him. He was no longer needed by anyone. The repeat of his past-when he barely understood what it meant to be needed-threatened to keep him away from everything he'd worked so hard to achieve. Everything he'd sought to prove to his father seemed to wash away with the rain as it refocused around him.

When had the rains picked up again? Roy stopped. The skies emptied into the tempest's wrath as Central faded into the background. What was it about that city that drew him there. Wait, why was he even there...? Who was he again?

Terror set in the Colonel's mind as everything past, present, and future washed away leaving only the fears of the Abyss he'd seen somewhere in his life. The void sucked at everything and pulled it inside much the same way the storm did...Unfamiliarly familiar phantoms ghosted his vision and edged closer to him. The faces remained unseen, except for the soulless eyes of ebony that echoed the shade of his own. He _knew_ each and every face...but from where?

WHERE THE HELL WAS HE?

He fell to his knees as the torrential rains pounded uneven beats and rhythms that washed the world away. Hands clutched at hair the color of a raven's breast as the spectors nearly touched him with hands foul and rotting from the bone. Here he would die, with no memory of what sins brought him to this end...

"COLONEL!"

A body crashed into him, bringing him out of his stupor. He picked himself out of the mud and stood like a mountain against the storm. He knew who he was...

He was THE Colonel Roy Mustang. He was due for a promotion to Fuhrer in a year. He was THE Flame Alchemist, the pride of the Military. Who the hell had dared make him forget that?

"Keep moving. Do not stop for anything. Hawkeye, shoot Havoc in the ass if you have to, just get him in gear!"

The lieutenant smiled, pistol whipping the slowing Havoc in the ass. If anyone knew motivation, it was her.

Roy grinned and renewed running to the thickest part walls of water. _That_ was where Ed fled to. The damned brat had better be grateful that he had a use to Mustang.


	7. Chapter 7

Rating: T For the Mega Awesomeness that is me.

Title: Equivalent Exchange

Chapter: 7 ~ The Beginning

Date Written: 23 March 2011

Date Published: 26 March 2011

Theme(s)/Summary: Ed breaks the one law he'd thought he'd never break again.

Character(s)/Pairing(s): Roy X Ed

Genre: Romance((hinted)), friendship, angst, and adventure.

Word Count: 274

Dedication: I dedicate to Corazon Sin Cara!

AN:/: I own nothing that is not inside my house. Sad Face. ^^{

_ The damned brat had better be grateful that he had a use to Mustang. _

A sharp fist connected to Ed's jaw as he waited. His hair matted with blood both his own and the Other's. The damned being with so much the same as him relished the task of bringing him to terms with his 'destiny.' No matter how hard he struggled against the chains, he couldn't break their hold. The demon grasped his skin tightly as the cutting rain sliced deeply into his back.

"Too bad he isn't coming."

The words—cruelly whispered into his ear—weaved doubt through Ed's mind. Instead of weakening the resolve of the younger demon, it bolstered the urge to survive. If Mustang had betrayed him by not coming to retrieve him, there would be hell to pay. He'd make sure of it once he escaped.

"Too bad you're too stupid to live."

Ed's head jerked upwards as flames engulfed the Other. The need to laugh bubbled in his chest so badly that he could barely stop the giggle that escaped.

Then the world crashed about his feet with fanfare of shattering glass and shards of metal.

Lightning began to flash dangerously close to him as Ed—no longer the human he'd been four long years ago—screamed in a language only he and the Other understood. The harsh winds swirled into cyclones of glass and metal as the Other answered his challenge. The sun and the new moon would be forced to see who would be the first to claim the others life for taking that which was most precious to them.

***Cliffhanger, next chapter will explain everything!***


	8. Chapter 8

~~The Unexplained~~

Rating: T

Summary: Ed breaks the one law he'd though he'd never break again.

Character(s)/Pairing(s): Roy POV

Genre(s): Angst, uhm...not really sure...

Date Written: 29 April 2011

Date Published: 29 April 2011

Word Count: 402

Dedication: Laziness and yet another natural disaster keeping me out of school! Go AMERICA!

AN:/: Needs a lot of work, I know. R&R (even if to flame coz they make me force myself to see what is wrong) and tell me if I need to completely nuke this chapter. Thanks for putting up with me!

_ The sun and the new moon would be forced to see who would be the first to claim the others life for taking that which was most precious to them. _

Roy groaned as he plastered himself against the ground to avoid the blazing lights flaring just above his head. The heat of the flames and close lightning tore at his eyes, but he couldn't force himself to look away from the changing form of his subordinate.

Golden hair splayed against non-existent wind as his skin slowly shifted from gold to silver—skin matching that of the Other. Ed's trademarked jacket lay haphazardly on the ground as he stood between the group and the demon. "Dammit Roy, what the fuck took you so long?"

Roy grimaced at the harsh timbre of the boy's voice. What the hell was going on in this place? "Got side-tracked by a pretty little skirt." He ignored Ed's inhuman snarl. "What the fuck are you?"

Despite being behind his back, Roy could see the smirk playing at the corners of Ed's lips. "The same as him. A monster meant to destroy our world."

Then he lunged.

Anything he'd ever seen before paled before the scene unfolding before him. The grating screams of the two...he didn't know what to call them...went untranslated as they rushed to meet only to fly away by the repulsion of connecting lightning. Moments slowed to near stand-stills. Neither could be seen from one instant to the next, only the wind created by their motions gave it away that they were still there.

Grand flashes of blue electricity changed the scent of the air, but Roy did not move away and out to the treeline where the others hid. He'd meant it when he'd told them he would be the one to bring the brat back.

No if only he knew what said brat was...

Instantly, the wind died to nothing as the sky cleared. Standing on a knell a few hundred feet away, Ed held the decapitated head of the beast he'd apparently bested. The changes to his skin melted away leaving only the visage he was born with.

Roy pushed himself to his feet. "Ready to go home?"

He hadn't expected the fist to his gut.

"What the fuck were you doing by coming here?" Ed's shoulders shook as he stared into Roy's coal-like eyes.

"Rescuing you."

***Sorry, can't write the explanation yet...it just wouldn't feel right...I tried though! Please believe me!


	9. Chapter 9

Date Written: 8 October 2011

Date Published: 9 October 2011

* * *

_Even without sight, Ed could see the sanguinary twist of Shadow's pale lips. "I'll try."_

If it was possible for something to be hated as much as Ed hated himself, surely the world would be split apart until only the fiery core remained. Already it felt as if the pressure of the darkness weighing in around him would suffocate him if he didn't find a way out...

He screamed, but the darkness swallowed it, leaving the void empty. No sight, no sound, and yet no silence.

Ed scoffed. What was he bitching about? It was all just a bump in his road. He flexed his automail—he'd almost forgotten he still had it—and relaxed a little at the thin lines of energy dancing underneath his skin and warming the metal. Heh, four years without his alchemy, and it still felt like yesterday. Well, * that * was an unexpected turn of events.

Ed grinned as the blue lights crackled and exploded from his connected palms, driving away the void. The grin faded slightly at the sight before him.

At the center of the spherical room lay an upraised pool filled with sloshing silver water. The sound of the waves lapping gently at the water drew him to it, not caring that the skeletons scattered around the basin all lay stretched towards it, one palm touching the pedestal. He couldn't see anymore, the light dying away immediately as his palms fell away from each other, but he could feel it. If only he could touch it, feel it, hold it...then he would know truths that not even the Gate knew...

Wait...what?

Ed fell backwards, feeling as if he had been pushed. The memories he hadn't realized he'd forgotten flooding him.

Ugh. What was happening to this damnable world? Did everything just want to fuck up and decided to ruin his life? He couldn't even remember the last time he bathed

But he could remember the look of desperation on Mustang's face when he made the deal; it was like looking into the eyes of a mother loosing her last child.

Ed shuddered. He never should have come back, never should have let Havoc lead him into the familiar offices and hear the familiar words dancing in the air and tempting him to try his luck.

He'd given himself hope...

He'd hurt his friends...

He'd made Mustang cry...

A sob escaped his throat as he slammed his fist into the floor beneath him. He'd sold his soul to stay in the world with everyone and what does he do? He fucks it all up! He could almost remember the feeling of the warmth that enveloped him and made him feel safe for the first time in so many years. The voice of his mother calling him from the other side of the light—a demon calling his name from the darkness. His choice hadn't been hard. He'd gone with the one that would let him see the people he loved one more time.

"_Edward..."_

He jerked his head around, touching hands to bring the light back. Nothing. He must have imagined Mustang's voice.

_"Edward!"_

The pool began to glow.


	10. Important Note

OKAY! This story-I have no clue how I missed so many chapters without realizing it-but it is skewed from my copy. Chapter eight I don't even remember posting. So, there will be a revamp because there are over a thousand words missing from this copy. Sorry for everything. D:


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